The Family
Advocate
Resources and Information for those
interested in Family Ministries
2nd Quarter 2007 –
April, May, June
Morality – What's
Family Got to do With It?
A friend and I were talking about
“bad checks.” You know - those checks that are written by someone who does not
have the money in the bank to “back them up.” Checks that are written
essentially to deceive the payee.
Now, almost everyone has
inadvertently written a check that “bounced” at some point in their lives. These
are people who did not diligently balance their bank account and who thought
they had money to cover the check. That's not what concerns me.
What really flabbergasts me are
those people who year after year write bad checks knowingly. Who intentionally
tell lies when they write that check to pay a bill or to register for a
(Christian, no less) retreat or conference.
Another instance of terrible ethics
occurred at a youth conference I was working at. A pastor actually tried to
avoid the registration process and sneak his youth group into the meeting
without paying! Unbelievable!
Or, how about when we gossip about
someone in the presence of our family members? (Ouch, now I'm stepping on my own
toes!) Many of us wouldn't physically try to hurt someone, but we may be doing
damage to them by the way we talk about them. Sometimes this talk may be in the
presence of our children or other family members.
What happened to basic ethics and
morality in our society, and even in our church
fellowship?
What are we teaching our families
when we deliberately deceive others? That lying is ok when you're attending a
Christian retreat? That lying is ok when you're trying to circumvent “the
system” or an authority figure? That cheating is ok if it saves you some money?
How about when we talk badly about someone, and damage their reputation or their
witness?
Yes, it's true that all around us we
see instances where situational ethics prevail. White lies, cheating, stealing,
and legalized gossip (think TV media) are condoned and even applauded. But, we
are not admonished to be like the society that surrounds us. As Christians, we
are to be Christ followers. Christ followers do not lie, cheat, or steal. Christ
followers do not gossip and slander.
Are we teaching our children that
morality matters? That we are to be “other” than the world? We need to be
teaching not only by the words we say, but also by the way we live out our lives
in their presence.
Like any student of any subject,
some of our children will just “not get it,” and some will have to learn the
hard way. However, we need to be able to look back at the end of the day and
know that we did our best and were not “two-faced” when it came to living the
ethical, moral, Christ-following life.
~Susan
Duncan
Difference
between Reputation and Character
Character is the one thing we make
in this world and take with us into the next.
The circumstances amid which you
live determine your reputation; the truth you believe determines your
character.
Reputation is what you are supposed
to be; character is what you are.
Reputation comes over one from
without; character grows up from within.
Reputation is what you have when you
come to a new community; character is what you have when you go
away.
Reputation is made in a moment;
character is built in a lifetime.
Reputation grows like a mushroom;
character grows like the oak.
Your reputation is learned in an
hour; your character does not come to light for a
year.
A single newspaper reporter gives
you your reputation; a life of toil gives you your character.
Reputation makes you rich or makes
you poor; character makes you happy or makes you
miserable.
Reputation is what men say about you
on your tombstone; character is what angels say about you before the throne of
God.
~from the Internet, Author
unknown
“And be renewed in the spirit of
your mind. Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his
neighbour: for we are members one of another. Let him that stole steal no more:
but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that
he may have to give to him that needeth. Let no corrupt communication proceed
out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may
minister grace unto the hearers. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and
clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye
kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for
Christ's sake hath forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:23, 25, 28, 29, 31,
32).
Aiding and
Abetting Adultery
When I was a teen, I didn't really
understand why Mom and Dad were so concerned that I dress modestly and
conservatively. I so wanted to
look like the other girls I saw in the fashion magazines.
In my day, mini-skirts were cool. I
was, however, advised to wear skirts that were just above knee-length, no
shorter. That meant that if my skirts weren't hand-made I bought skirts that
were one size bigger than what I'd really wear in order for them to come down to
the appropriate length.
Why were my parents so strict? Part
of it was that they didn't want to offend other people in the church, true, but
part was because they knew how guys think.
Guys are made different from girls.
I know that's shocking to some of you, but they are. They are more visually
oriented and can be stimulated by the sight of a bare knee or shoulder or
tight-fitting clothes very easily.
We girls are not made that way as
much. So, if we have not been around guys or studied their physiological makeup,
we don't realize the effect our clothing (or lack thereof) may have on
them.
In the Bible, Jesus gives explicit
warning to men about their thought lives in Matthew 5:27, 28, when He says, “Ye
have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:
But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath
committed adultery with her already in his heart.”
Okay. That's the guys'
responsibility. But what is our responsibility as girls or women? Are we
supposed to see how close we can get the guys to committing adultery with their
thoughts? Is our responsibility to live the “if you've got it, flaunt it”
lifestyle, and then “tut-tut” and shake our heads when a guy falls prey to and
acts out those lustful thoughts?
Have we thought about the fact that
when we deliberately try to dress in a provocative style, we are in actuality
making it more difficult for our brothers in the Lord to live as a victorious
Christian? A big part of our responsibility as Christians is to encourage one
another in the faith and edify one another, not to aid and abet sin.
With today's fashion trends
featuring low-rise slacks, high-rise tops, and tight-fitting spandex, sexuality
in clothing has become the norm for many.
An article I read recently talked
about this trend toward sexualization of girls. Below are excerpts from it.
~Susan Duncan
“What are the standards of beauty
that you and your girls use? The secular news media recently reported that the
American Psychological Association (APA) has found evidence that the
proliferation of sexualized images of girls and young women in advertising,
merchandising, and media is harmful to girl's self-image and healthy
development.
The APA defined sexualization as any
one of the following, noting that the last is especially true regarding
children:
●
a persons value comes only from his or her sexual appeal or behavior, to the
exclusion of other characteristics;
●
a person is held to a standard that equates physical attractiveness (narrowly
defined) with being sexy;
●
a person is sexually objectified -- that is, made into a thing for others'
sexual use, rather than seen as a person with the capacity for independent
action and decision making;
●
and/or sexuality is inappropriately imposed upon a
person.
The report found sexualization of
women in every form of media studies: television, movies, magazines, music
videos, music lyrics, video games, the Internet, advertising, and sports. The
researchers also encountered parents who participated in the sexualization of
their daughters, even to the point of encouraging plastic surgery in order to
attain a physical ideal.
The seemingly endless fascination
with body-baring celebrities is a telling example of just how sex-saturated our
society has become.
Thankfully, a number of Christian
women did not wait for APA statistics to begin ministering in the area of sexual
purity.
Author and speaker, Dannah Gresh,
for example, has been promoting the message of healthy sexuality for several
years through her Pure Freedom ministry www.purefreedom.org . In popular
conferences and books, she helps girls and their parents recognize what biblical
beauty means and how to attain it. Her Secret Keeper materials, which focus on
modesty and sexual purity, are written from a 'just us girls' perspective.”
(Original article from The Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission of
the Southern Baptist Convention, www.erlc.com
)
Recommended
Books
Secret
Keeper: The Delicate Power of Modesty is a break-thru book
that teaches today's young women to embrace modesty. This book speaks to a
generation in the midst of a fashion war with Gods design for a woman's beauty.
This is the first resource available for teen girls and young adult women to
persuasively present modesty as a prized virtue. Only $9.99, you can order
by following the links on the www.purefreedom.org website, or
call
And
the Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to Sexual
Purity. This book
begins with a narrative of Dannah Gresh's young love life, taken from her own
teenage journals. She transparently shares her struggles and successes, her
moments of pain followed by healing and the moments of triumph. This story-line
grips the young reader while they learn statistically proven risk-reduction
factors. The end result is usable “how-to-say-no” skills that can reduce the
risk of a young woman's heart being broken by sexual sin. Cost: $12.99 (see
ordering information above.)
Guarding Your
Marriage against Infidelity
Here are some suggestions on how to
guard you marriage . . .
In the Workplace
. . .
1.
People of the opposite sex should not ride in a car together without a third
party present.
2.
Don't make personal phone calls to another employee of the opposite
sex.
3.
Don't have lunch with the same person every day. If you go out to a restaurant,
go in a group.
4.
Make sure that your e-mails and other correspondence are not suggestive,
inappropriate, or flirtatious.
5.
Talk about your spouse in positive terms, making it clear that you're married
and intend to stay that way.
6.
Be careful not to make any lingering eye contact.
7.
The only appropriate touch between business associates of the opposite sex is a
handshake.
During Your
Business Travel . . .
1.
If your job requires traveling with another employee of the opposite sex, do not
get adjoining hotel rooms. If possible, request a room on a different
floor.
2.
If you have to meet with that person, offer to get together in the coffee shop
or the lobby.
3.
Call your spouse every night at a designated time and give him or her full
permission to call your cell phone - anytime.
4.
Ask the hotel clerk to block out all adult TV
channels.
In Your Home . .
.
1.
If you have a computer in your home, use it wisely. The Internet is amazing -
and dangerous.
2.
If Internet access is a problem for anyone in your family, apply the verse in
Matthew 5:29: “If your . . . Eye causes you to sin, pluck it out.” And if your
Internet access causes you to sin, plug it out! Keep the computer, but take it
off-line. You can still use it for word processing and computer
games.
3.
Cancel the movie channels on your Cable TV - they all carry X-rated
movies.
4.
Hire an older nanny or babysitter, and have the wife pick up and take home any
female hired help.
At Church . .
.
1.
If you go for pastoral counseling, make sure the pastors spouse is there. If
not, make sure the door to the office is left open.
2.
If you work in the same ministry area with a person of the opposite sex, make
sure planning meetings are conducted in public areas, or with all spouses
present.
Spiritual
Guarding Hedges
Guard your marriage in spiritual
ways, too.
1.
Find a strong, Bible-based church and commit to regular
attendance.
2.
Tithe - God doesn't need your money – He's not poor. But He knows you need to
give it. Holding on to money is like holding on to sand: if you try to grip it
tightly in your fists, it will all run out. If, however, you hold your money in
a giving position, hands together and palms up, you'll always have
enough.
3.
Consistency -- Let your walk match your talk. Your non-Christian friends and
your children are watching. If you have dark secrets, bring them to the
Light.
~From Avoiding the Greener Grass
Syndrome, by Nancy K. Anderson, $10.99, ©2004 by Kregel
Publications,
Prejudice
I was raised in the American South.
I hadn't asked to be born there, I just was. Most things about the American
South I really like - the easy pace, the friendly people, the mild winters, the
biscuits and gravy and barbecue. One thing I am not proud of is our region's
heritage of racial and social prejudice.
My parents wouldn't let me use
certain derogatory words when describing persons of a different color or
ethnicity. Larry and I wouldn't let our children use those words either,
but we can't pat ourselves on the back for that when we didn't really try to
enter into the other person's world and get to know them for who they were. We
didn't really try to walk in their shoes, so to
speak.
However, there were two distinct
times in my life that I experienced a small taste of someone else's bias simply
because I was Caucasian. One was when I was in high school and went to the
girl's washroom while class was still in session. I walked in on an informal
meeting of a few girls, and when I looked at them, one of them snarled, “What
you looking at, white
girl?”
The other time was when Larry and I
walked into an outdoor restaurant in
Both times, I felt extremely
uncomfortable. Yet, I feel those two instances gave me a small view of what it
must feel like on a daily basis for those who are belittled or demeaned or
treated unfairly simply because of the country or region of their origin, the
color of their skin, or their ethnicity.
When I talk about prejudice, I'm not
just talking about the black versus white issue that's very much in the
forefront in our region. I'm talking about prejudice of any kind. What about
West Indian Black vs. African-American Black? Puerto Rican vs. Mexican? Greek
vs. Turk? Educated vs. uneducated? Male vs. female?
Prejudice exists anywhere that one
group of people think that their genetic makeup or their heritage or their
experience entitles them to think better of themselves than others, and
therefore it's ok to treat others as inferior.
Prejudice is an ancient sin. Even in
Bible times there were the Jews vs. the Samaritans. Remember how Peter had to be
convinced in a dream from God that he could minister to
Gentiles?
Actually, in God's Church, among
Christ followers, the “vs.” shouldn't be in the preceding paragraphs. In God's
Church, among Christ followers, we are to love everyone. In God's Church, among
Christ followers, “there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcision nor
uncircumcision, Barbarian, Scythian, bond nor free: but Christ is all, and in
all” (Col. 3).
Our families need to be taught, and
it needs to be shown in the way we live and conduct our business, that judging
someone on the basis of skin color, ethnicity, education, social standing, or
any other difference is wrong and will not be tolerated in God's Church, among
Christ followers.
~ Susan
Duncan
A Recommended
Book on This Subject
Prejudice
and the People of God: How Revelation and Redemption Lead to Reconciliation
©2001, by A. Charles Ware,
Kregel Publishing, $10.99, http://www.kregel.com ,Tel:
This important book traces the
history of the misunderstandings behind racism, examines the biblical model for
reconciliation, and describes the role of love in the church and
community. (Used copies may be purchased on www.Amazon.com .)
Give
Aways
Refrigerator
To-Do List Pads or Family Note Pad
Here are a couple of items that we
have a few copies of. If you would like either a Refrigerator To-Do List Pad (also good for
grocery lists) or a Family Note
Pad, just contact our office (by either phone or e-mail). Tell us
which one you want, give us your shipping address, and well send you one free.
This offer is good for the first four respondents.
If you have news to include in a
future issue, e-mail us at family@cogop.org – type “FA News” in the
subject line. Or, if you wish to unsubscribe, type “unsubscribe” in the subject
line.
Family
Ministries
Larry Duncan,
Director
Susan Duncan, Resource
Coordinator
E-mail: family@cogop.org